League table, results and fixtures - click on logo below
Match Reports
Nomads 6 - 0 Anchorians 2s
Nomads 6 - 0 Anchorians 2s
Nomads 6 - 0 Anchorians 2s
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class wank him off. I said,"Son that's three schools this year. Maybe teaching isn't for you."
Talking of teaching, we dished out a proper schooling to Gillingham Anchorians yesterday.
We came out of the traps hard, and for the first twenty minutes they must have felt like they
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class wank him off. I said,"Son that's three schools this year. Maybe teaching isn't for you."
Talking of teaching, we dished out a proper schooling to Gillingham Anchorians yesterday.
We came out of the traps hard, and for the first twenty minutes they must have felt like they'd been hit by Hurricane Milton. We were 4-0 up in a blink of an eye.
Some of the hockey we played was a joy to watch. The speed of the counters was supreme, switching the play from flank to flank and carving the opposition open at will. Finn Piper, who was a proper handful (well that's what his boarding housemaster said), scored the first two, then McGoon and Orpin finished off two other cracking moves.
I recently read that the police found 784 dildos at P Diddy's house. The Gillingham goalie must have felt like the copper who was tasked with counting them. "Smith you're on crime scene, Jones interviewing victims, Perkins you're on dildo counting." Fuck that, I didn't join fucking vice for this.
The only time Anchorians threatened our goal, was when a misplaced pass from us went all the way back to Durtnell in goal, whose altruistic side came out, as he kicked the ball straight back to the Anchorians attacker, who was totally discombobulated by receiving the ball at all and proceeded to scuff it out by the corner flag. 4-0 half time.
The second half was a scrappier affair. A lot of this could be down to a funny little bald bloke who seemed intent on letting everyone know how hard he was. Not happy with continually berating our teenage umpire, he looked to foul anyone in his vicinity at every opportunity. What he lacked in talent he certainly made up for in effort. If only he had been sent off, it would have been one of the most memorable removals of a helmet since Darth Vader in Return of the Jedi.
We continued to press for more goals, and were rewarded with Kanzig, tapping in Jasper Piper's goal bound effort. Always amusing.
Finn Piper continued to cause problems, both for the opposition and our formation. For the last ten minutes he employed a tactic of running to the byline then absolutely leathering the ball across the area. He must have done it five times in a row. I haven't seen balls crashing into a box like that since Gary Glitter heard the closing bell at his local ladyboy club.
But it was to be Finn's day as he completed his hattrick with another great finish.6-0 win.
We maintain our 100% record with Blackheath next up before the half-term break.
Let's see how long we can keep the streak going.
Holcombe 6s 0 - 2 Nomads
Nomads 6 - 0 Anchorians 2s
Nomads 6 - 0 Anchorians 2s
You know you have finally made it as a hockey club when you play a Holcombe side that is followed by a number rather than a word starting with H.
Back to back long distance away days always tests our squad to its limits, but we managed to rustle together twelve willing souls to go into battle on a sunny afternoon in Medway.
Things started w
You know you have finally made it as a hockey club when you play a Holcombe side that is followed by a number rather than a word starting with H.
Back to back long distance away days always tests our squad to its limits, but we managed to rustle together twelve willing souls to go into battle on a sunny afternoon in Medway.
Things started well enough, we were playing the ball around nicely but didn't really create anything of note. Holcombe started to grow into the game and were getting some joy down the flanks, but our defence stood strong with Lunn and Farmer snuffing out anything that came their way.
After several close calls we finally took the lead courtesy of a short corner, with Orpin deflecting the ball from Surridge's shot. 1-0 at half time.
The second half was slightly different, with Holcombe happy for us to knock the ball about at the back and play on the counter. This did allow them to exert periods of pressure on us where we didn't get out of our half for long periods.
Here is where I must make mention of Kanzig, who was immense in breaking down almost every attack, he popped up in more places than Mohammed Al Fayed at the Harrods Christmas Party.
Will Farmer was having the game of his life on the left of defence, I don't think he was beaten once all game. He is rapidly becoming my favourite farmer, surpassing Giles and Jethro Tull, but still a little way to go to reaching Old Macdonald.
In the final quarter we broke the shackles and started to attack at pace and were rewarded with another short corner.
This time Surridge hit a powder puff shot straight at the goalie which somehow made it's way in. It was one of the poorest shots I have seen. I think he must have been training with the bloke who tried to assassinate Donald Trump. 2-0 Nomads.
That is three wins out of three, including two tough away days. Let's hope next week's match with Gillingham is easier than a game of scrabble with Harvey Price.
Match Reports
Cliftonville 2s 0 - 2 Nomads
Cliftonville 2s 0 - 2 Nomads
Cliftonville 2s 0 - 2 Nomads
A 10.30am start in Ramsgate is right up there with winning a two week holiday in a raffle, then finding out it is with Phillip Schofield on the set of Cast Away.
Having made the long trek down to Cliftonville, we were greeted by a beautiful pitch bathed in glorious sunshine.
One thing we have noticed this season is that the teams we are pla
A 10.30am start in Ramsgate is right up there with winning a two week holiday in a raffle, then finding out it is with Phillip Schofield on the set of Cast Away.
Having made the long trek down to Cliftonville, we were greeted by a beautiful pitch bathed in glorious sunshine.
One thing we have noticed this season is that the teams we are playing against are far more professional than we have previously faced, some appear to have even done some training, which is maybe something we should consider. Nah on second thoughts, fuck that, wouldn't be fair.
The game started well, with the Nomads exerting some early dominance over proceedings. We were working the counter attack well, creating a few early opportunities.
Cliftonville then started to grow into the game and began to get some joy down the flanks.
We were to make the breakthrough, with the impressive Yeabsley finishing nicely after some good work by Orpin on the right.
Cliftonville pushed for an equaliser before half time and only some last ditch defending kept them at bay. At one point, Farmer was so keen to clear the ball, he took a massive air swing and ended up lying on his front by the back post. It was such a slick piece of movement, I hear the Australian Olympic Breakdance team are having a look into his heritage. The second half was tough, we started to lose our shape and some of the passing was more shocking than Huw Edward's browsing history.
Cliftonville tried to press home their advantage but we repelled all that they could throw at us with Piper, Farmer and Kanzig putting in particularly big shifts.
After a couple of good breaks, we managed to get ourselves a short corner, and what a short corner it turned out to be. Surridge stopped the ball, slipped it out wide to O'Leary who slid the ball across the face of the goal for Piper to guide home at the far post. What a superb strike, I think even the Israelis would have been pleased with that one.
There was still ten minutes left for us to hold out, which seemed to last an eternity. Cliftonville managed to get a few strikes on goal with Holden-Crauford pulling off a cracking save from a rising ball.
Finally the whistle blew and we could celebrate a hard fought win.
That is back to back victories against two strong sides, which leaves us sitting top of the pile, as one of only two teams with a 100% record.
Let's see how we go at Holcombe next week.
Marden 3s 1 - 1 Nomads
Cliftonville 2s 0 - 2 Nomads
Cliftonville 2s 0 - 2 Nomads
New kit, new players, new season. Same Nomads.
We blew off the cobwebs with a cracking game against a decent Marden side, whose long wait to beat us continues.
I am not quite sure how the game ended up a draw, Marden must have felt as lucky as if they had got front row tickets to Oasis.
We dominated play throughout the match, recording ten s
New kit, new players, new season. Same Nomads.
We blew off the cobwebs with a cracking game against a decent Marden side, whose long wait to beat us continues.
I am not quite sure how the game ended up a draw, Marden must have felt as lucky as if they had got front row tickets to Oasis.
We dominated play throughout the match, recording ten shots on target against their one. It was more one-sided than an arm wrestle with Joe Biden.
From the push back our midfield took a grip on the game with Surridge and O'Leary dictating play superbly. They always had that extra second to get their head up and pick out a pass.
Some of the hockey we were playing was sublime, swift interchanges followed by sweeping switches that opened up the opposition time and agai, but we just couldn't get that vital scoring touch.
The Marden goalie was having a blinder, making three or four top class saves in the first half alone, which was in contrast to Batesy in our goal, who was as redundant as Huw Edwards' agent.
The deadlock was finally broken with Milborne smashing home a thunderous strike from a short corner.
1-0 half time.
The second half followed a similar pattern to the first. Our midfield of O'Leary, Surridge, Lunn, Kanzig and Kemsley continued to run the show, pressing forward to feed our forwards.
Milborne and McGoon ,whilst sounding like a really shit 70s US detective show, were causing havoc all over the pitch. First it was McGoon who somehow controlled a ball driven at him by Kemsley, then dribbled past three defenders on the byline before just pushing the ball wide.
Then Surridge linked up beautifully with Addis, who was having a magnificent game. He collected the ball surrounded by a group of Marden players, somehow wriggled his way through before teeing up Milborne who crashed his shot against the post. I haven't seen the post get a hammering like that since the Horizon scandal.
The final ten minutes saw the game become stretched as a lack of fitness began to take it's toll. There were robust tackles flying in from all angels and after a few particularly rough exchanges some of the Marden youngsters must have had flash backs to when Gary Glitter hosted the club's annual Greco-Roman wrestling night.
The Nomads defence had been absolutely immense all evening, with Terry, Farmer and Addis snuffing out all that the Marden attack could throw at them. They could not even muster a shot until the 65th minute, but our goal was finally breached after a goal mouth scramble. 1-1.
We were unable to find one last opportunity to take the match and the final whistle signalled the end of a well fought game. Marden would certainly feel they got away with one there, I have heard they are thinking of releasing a celebratory DVD of the match.
It was a superb first performance and bodes very well for the season ahead. We have a very strong squad this year, let's see what we can achieve,
Sevenoaks 0 - 4Nomads
Cliftonville 2s 0 - 2 Nomads
Blackheath Outlaws 0 - 9 Nomads
The saying goes ‘From little acorns do mighty oaks grow’ so it was entirely appropriate that Newenden Nomads the fledgling team formed just prior to the pandemic should secure their 4th successive league title at the home of their season long rivals Sevenoaks.
With regular team captain Phil Morris off on his annual jaunt across the Alps J
The saying goes ‘From little acorns do mighty oaks grow’ so it was entirely appropriate that Newenden Nomads the fledgling team formed just prior to the pandemic should secure their 4th successive league title at the home of their season long rivals Sevenoaks.
With regular team captain Phil Morris off on his annual jaunt across the Alps Jasper Piper stepped in for his debut appearance as skipper for this crucial title deciding encounter.
Somewhat surprisingly Morris has been an ever present in the side this season which is slightly perplexing to many of us given his actual performances. However comrade Morris does assure me that the Nomads selection process is a fair and open one which is governed, monitored and vetted by the Russian electoral commission.
The Nomads began the game on the front foot instantly putting the oaks defensive line under pressure with some high quality sharp incisive passing movements but just failing to get the goal which our hockey deserved.
Eventually 20 minutes into the game we got the breakthrough with Piper settling our nerves by slotting home after some good work by Seb O’ Leary on the left.
The second goal followed shortly after with George Orpin’s 14th goal of the season, I’ve not seen someone score so often since Genghis Khan shagged his way across half of Europe and East Asia.
Newenden continued to control the game with the opposition offering little up front mostly due to a superb defensive display by our back 3 of Collingwood, Terry and Yeabsley.
Yeabsley in particular was outstanding and brought a calmness and serenity not normally seen in this position for the Nomads.
We continued to create chances up front with Lees Amies and Kanzig causing headaches for the opposition defence who were beginning to wobble more than a Taiwanese tower block.
We went in at half time 2 nil up but slightly disappointed as the score line didn’t reflect our dominance of the game.
The second half started much as the first half had ended with our midfield core of Piper, Hall and Thompson dictating play and creating chances at will. The third goal inevitably came and it was that man Piper again with a decisive strike from the top of the D which finally put the game to bed bringing an audible sigh of relief from the Nomads crack coaching team of Piper and Goldring otherwise known as Newendens answer to the chuckle brothers.
We saved the best goal till last with a fantastic individual score from Barney Hall, he seemed to juggle the ball by the touch line drifting past 3 mesmerised defenders before slotting the ball past the bemused oaks goalkeeper from a ridiculous angle. It was a fitting goal to secure the title with.
A brilliant team performance against a solid well organised Sevenoaks side but a special mention must go to Seb O Leary who made the journey up from Devon at 5am this morning to make the game and to Ben Kemsley for being so accommodating regarding substitutions, both typifying the team spirit that makes being involved with Newenden such a pleasure. Proper team men👍
Must also mention the Sevenoaks umpires, both were absolutely superb, I don’t think they missed a thing, the best officiating I’ve seen all season.
Finally I’d just like to point out to our usual match reporter that it is perfectly possible to write an informative match report without resorting to mentioning any 1970’s sex offenders such as Gary Glitter, Rolf Harris or Stuart Hall.
Oh, Bollocks…🤦
Blackheath Outlaws 0 - 9 Nomads
Blackheath Outlaws 0 - 9 Nomads
Blackheath Outlaws 0 - 9 Nomads
After yesterday's game the Blackheath Outlaws must have wished they had opted for a weekend at the in-laws, as the Nomads turned on the style to record an emphatic 9-0 victory.
From the push back to the final whistle they were under the pump. They spent so much time stuck in their own half, they would have made more progress if they had d
After yesterday's game the Blackheath Outlaws must have wished they had opted for a weekend at the in-laws, as the Nomads turned on the style to record an emphatic 9-0 victory.
From the push back to the final whistle they were under the pump. They spent so much time stuck in their own half, they would have made more progress if they had driven past junction 10 of the M25.
We played some fantastic stuff, with Surridge and O'Leary at the heart of everything good. They are striking up a formidable partnership, hope Jasper isn't getting jealous.
It took us about ten minutes to really find our rhythm but then we began to open up the opposition at will.
The breakthrough came from a slick move down the right, which was finished off by goal machine Orpin. This opened the floodgates as we rapidly scored another five, with Thompson, Kemsley and Collingwood firing in before Orpin wrapped up his second hattrick in as many weeks before the interval. I think that is the first time the club has seen back to back trebles being dispatched since Deano found out it was an open bar at the annual dinner.
It was unfortunate not to have been seven, as the returning Jack Meaning was denied a sensational solo effort as Goldring deflected a goal bound effort wide of the post. It was the most unwanted touch since Dave Lee-Travers got a weekend job as the pat down guy at Gatwick airport security. 6-0 half time.
The second half was a carbon copy of the first, defence versus attack. Fortunately our attack was somewhat better than their defence.
Our seventh goal came from an unlikely source, with Georgey Levitt, taking a day off from goalkeeping duties to play a bit of outfield, and absolutely loved it. He charged around the park all afternoon with a massive smile on his face, you would have thought he had just got his first match on Tinder. He kept popping up in the box, and was there to sweep the ball home from the back post.
Surridge then got in on the action, drilling in an unstoppable rising drive from the top of the area.
There was still time for Orpin to add his fourth, to wrap up proceedings 9-0. That is 18 goals scored in the past two games. Orpin's haul takes him to the top of scoring charts with three more to play.
I also want to thank keeper Batesy, who was as redundant as Prince Andrew at the Royal family Christmas card shoot, but still managed to pull off a great save from their only shot of the day.
We now require six points from our last three games to secure our fourth title in a row. Can almost touch it boys.
Nomads 9 -2 Holcombe Hawks
Blackheath Outlaws 0 - 9 Nomads
Nomads 9 -2 Holcombe Hawks
They say that nothing is more dangerous than a wounded lion and last weekend's loss to Gravesham must have made Holcombe more nervous than Christian Horner when he heard Ginger Spice punching in the PIN to his mobile.
Though things didn't start as planned with Holcombe winning a series of early short corners, the last one of which they con
They say that nothing is more dangerous than a wounded lion and last weekend's loss to Gravesham must have made Holcombe more nervous than Christian Horner when he heard Ginger Spice punching in the PIN to his mobile.
Though things didn't start as planned with Holcombe winning a series of early short corners, the last one of which they converted, smashing the ball in past young Levitt in goal.
Scoring early against us is not always the best idea, and Holcombe came to rue this decision as much as when Marden parish council decided to play Schindlers List at their Pro Palestine charity cinema night.
We suddenly kicked into gear and started to play some lovely stuff, particularly down the right flank where the Ashford contingent were running wild.
Yeabsley opened the scoring, taking the ball round the goalie and sliding in from an incredibly tight angle.We were then awarded a flick, after one of their defenders stopped a goal bound effort with his feet. Surridge duly obliged by placing the ball into the top right hand corner.
Young Joe Lunn then joined the party, stroking home nicely from an acute angle after a wonderful dribble down the byline. Not to be outdone, budding club legend George Orpin, then banged in a brace before Yeabsley added his second leaving it 6-1 at the interval.
The second half was no different but we just couldn't seem to score. We then introduced the big gun, with Jim Piper entering the fray at centre forward. Jim started to link up nicely with the wingers, enjoying more touches round the box than at a Michael Barrymore pool party.
We finally managed to find the back of the net with young Orpin completing his first hat trick for the club, he now pushes up on Jasper Piper's coat tails in the battle for the top scorer for the season.
Lunn then banged in his second, before Surridge topped things off with a booming shot from the right of the area. 9-1.
Holcombe did manage to get a late consolation, when the ball broke lose after a short corner, but the game was well and truly sewn up by then.
We all went back to the pub and enjoyed a cracking Shepherds pie and a few pints, well all of us that hadn't forgotten to bring their fake ID's. Come on boys.
All the other big teams won as well, so we still require nine points from the last four games to secure the title.
Next up we have Blackheath away this Saturday. Just keep on winning boys.
Nomads 1 -1 Folkestone 4s
Blackheath Outlaws 0 - 9 Nomads
Nomads 9 -2 Holcombe Hawks
We knew we were in for a good game, but nobody could have expected what we got on Saturday. Prez summed it up perfectly at the final whistle, saying 'It was the most exciting game of hockey he had umpired in years. Great game played in a great spirit.'
This game had long been circled in the calendar, with both sides knowing it would go som
We knew we were in for a good game, but nobody could have expected what we got on Saturday. Prez summed it up perfectly at the final whistle, saying 'It was the most exciting game of hockey he had umpired in years. Great game played in a great spirit.'
This game had long been circled in the calendar, with both sides knowing it would go some way to deciding the destination of the league title.
From the push-back the match was played at a frantic pace. It was like two boxers going toe to toe, but it soon became apparent it was Mike Tyson versus Barry McGuigan, as the Nomads exerted their dominance and took control of proceedings.
We played some lovely stuff, with our midfield of Piper, Surridge, O'Leary, Kanzig and Kemlsey oozing class as they linked up beautifully.
We began to attack in waves, creating chance after chance, but a resilient Folkestone defence and some superb goalkeeping kept us at bay.
It was a game of attack versus defence and we finally got our breakthrough, with Piper deflecting in after Surridge had struck a short corner.
Having breached their lines we then expected the floodgates to open, but Folkestone had other ideas as they knuckled down and actually started to threaten our goal for a period. If it wasn't for an incredible last ditch tackle by the bionic Jasper Piper we could well have gone in 1-1 at the break.
The second half followed on from where the first finished. The Nomads attacked time and time again, playing some superb stuff, but just couldn't find that killer second goal. I haven't witnessed a battering like that since Geoff Boycott's girlfriend in 1996.
I must credit Folkestone's defence for one of the finest rear guard actions since Gary Glitter was named as interim housemaster at my first boarding school.
Chance after chance went begging. I haven't seen that many men fail to score since Marden Hockey Club's recent speed dating event.
Even the prolific Lees-Amies couldn't find the back of the net, hitting one particular effort so hard and high over the bar, I should imagine it has just been shot down over Ukraine.
1-0 is always a fragile scoreline as we were soon to find out. With two minutes left to play, Folkestone managed to pick up their first short corner of the game and what a short corner it turned out to be.
Their big centre forward scored one of the best drag flicks I have ever seen, combining pace with accuracy as the ball cannoned in off the corner of the upright and the crossbar. We all just looked at ourselves in disbelief as Folkestone celebrated the most unlikely of draws.
It was a great game and one that will live long in the memory. Both sides went back to the pub and enjoyed a few pints and some superb firecracker duck. Surely the best teas in the county?
I would like to make special mention to our umpires, Deano and Prez, who did a superb job, keeping the lid on what could have been an explosive encounter.
The draw suited us more than Folkestone, as we still sit top with a game in hand, all to play for.
Nomads 5 -2 Burnt Ash 3s
Nomads 4 -0 South Saxons 5s
Nomads 4 -0 South Saxons 5s
What a delightful day out with our friends from Burnt Ash.
We played a very well-mannered game, without a cross word or even a query of a decision.
Nomads 4 -0 South Saxons 5s
Nomads 4 -0 South Saxons 5s
Nomads 4 -0 South Saxons 5s
I haven't seen a saxon take a rumping like that since William The Conqueror popped round to see Harold's missus whilst he was busy down the opticians.
With Saturday set to be a bye week we were very grateful when Ben Kemsley set up a game with the newly formed Southern Saxons 5s, and thank god he did, as we had a great day out.
Being a frie
I haven't seen a saxon take a rumping like that since William The Conqueror popped round to see Harold's missus whilst he was busy down the opticians.
With Saturday set to be a bye week we were very grateful when Ben Kemsley set up a game with the newly formed Southern Saxons 5s, and thank god he did, as we had a great day out.
Being a friendly, this gave us an opportunity to field a somewhat more 'experienced' side, which was weakened further by the late withdrawal of the GP's wet dream James Kanzig, having picked up his seventeenth injury of the season.
But whatever team we throw together we only know one way to play, and that is all out attack.
Things started well with our midfield of Surridge, O'Leary, Kemsley and Rogers stamping their authority on the game. We were getting a lot of joy down the flanks, with young George Orpin back on top form, following his late night antics last week. It was Orpin himself who made the breakthrough, picking up a through ball and finishing nicely at the near post.
Saturday could be a momentous day in the club's history as we saw the debut of Oli Milborne, who appears to have been destined to play for Newenden since birth. Milly is clearly the love child of Travis Bickle and Oliver Reed, with a playing style which combines the finesse of Vinny Jones with the subtlety of Martin Johnson, but boy can he strike a ball.
He is a proper handful for any defence and made a nuisance of himself all day, well that is what the email from the landlady at The George said.
Our second goal was somewhat controversial, as Orpin had worked a superb opening, dribbling past three Saxon defenders before releasing a goal bound effort, only for Goldring to rush in at the last minute and tap the ball over the line. It was like when you spend hours putting in the hard yards with a girl, only for your mate to nip in while you go to the bogs. Outrageous. 2-0 at the interval.
The second half went much the same way, but was a little more eventful.
We were fortunate enough for Peter Rogers' son Noah, to help us out on the day, and what an inspired call that turned out to be. He had a cracking game, demonstrating some superb close control, it must have skipped a generation. Noah has rapidly shot up my list of favourite Rogers, in front of Buck, just behind Kenny but still some way to reach Ted.
Milborne was still causing mayhem, and had to take a couple of enforced breaks. One of them was for yelling 'Fuck me' in utter frustration as another chance went begging. Unfortunately there was an old boy in his vicinity, who probably hadn't heard that shouted since his wife had too many eggnogs on VE day.
He was soon to atone for his misdemeanour by striking home a thunderous short corner.3-0.
Barstow, who was having another great game at right back, was obviously feeling a little left out as someone else was picking up all the cards, so put in one of his specials and soon joined Milborne on the sidelines. If these two play many more games together we will be able to open up our own branch of bloody Clintons.
Having got a taste for goal, Milborne then smashed in his second to wrap up proceedings 4-0.
It was a great game played in a great spirit and we all went back to the pub for some quality grub and a few pints.
I would like to make a special mention to Jim Piper, who played a belter stepping in at left back, great to have him back.
I would also like to thank the umpires, who ran the game really well, allowing things to flow, well as much as you can with Milborne and Barstow on the pitch.
Next week we return to league action against the Gash. I can't bloody wait.
The past few weeks we have experienced more frostiness and conceding than Mike Barstow on date night. So when we woke on Saturday to see the ground covered with our chilly nemesis we feared for the worst. Fortunately, much like Micky B's missus after a couple of Cinzanos and one of his famous foot rubs, the temperature picked up and we were good to go by 11.00am.
Make no bones about it Maidstone are a good team who are capable of taking points off any of the top sides in the division, so we knew we were in for a proper match.
Things weren't helped by young George hitting the party trail the night before and his pre-match preparation involving repeatedly vomiting into a paper bag whilst his Dad drove him to the game. Credit to him though, he made it to the match, though it soon became clear that a four pack of Woodpecker followed by some clumsy fingering didn't do much for his game, and from the way that he was running it wasn't entirely clear if he had been doing the giving or receiving.
Things started well, with us enjoying the majority of possession and using the ball well. Our midfield were magnificent throughout the game, linking up superbly, whilst always offering the simple out ball. There have been many world class double acts throughout the years, Hale & Pace, PJ & Duncan and Dennis & Gee are just a few that spring to mind, but Piper & Surridge can now be added to the pantheon of legendary duos. They may sound like a second rate firm of chartered surveyors, but these boys can play hockey. Absolutely bossed the midfield.
The first half was one way traffic, but we were unable to carve out too many meaningful chances, but we finally got our breakthrough when party boy Orpin got the last touch, flicking home from close range. We continued to press for a second but Maidstone were defending well. The tables were almost turned with Durtnell making a cracking reflex save from a well struck short corner on the stroke of half time.
The second half was more open. We started to attack in waves, with Kanzig and Collingwood dictating play down the flanks. Our second came from the stick of Wotton, following a chaotic melee in the Maidstone area, but it was all started from a magnificent counter attack by the superb Farmer, who raced into the opposition half, beating five men before sliding in a dangerous ball onto the penalty spot. I must make special mention of Farmer who was magnificent all day, snuffing out any incursion down the right and swiftly transitioning back into attack.
Our third came from a short corner, with that man Piper, tucking away the rebound. Jasper is now clear at the top of the scoring charts for the season. Come on forwards, you can't let a defensive midfielder win again.
Maidstone then came back at us, with their captain having more influence as the game became stretched. They managed to score after the ball had ricocheted around the area before falling to an attacker. 3-1.
Almost insulted by conceding, we pushed again and were rewarded with one final goal, this time it was Surridge who charged into the area and finding himself in acres of space, unleashed a powerful reverse stick shot that slid in past the near post.4-1 at the final whistle.
Maidstone had arrived with high hopes but left feeling abject disappointment. I should imagine not dissimilar to booking a romantic weekend away in a wonderful apartment in Austria then arriving to find out it is Josef Fritzl's basement.
It was a great game, played in a really good spirit. It was also great to see Jim back on the pitch having made the greatest comeback since Lazarus. I would also like to thank the umpires, Deano and Prez, who did a great job, working really well as a team.
We now have a week off from league action, but then return on Feb 10th to take on the Gash.
Nomads 4 - 1 Maidstone 3s
Nomads 4 -0 South Saxons 5s
Nomads 2 - 2 Sutton Valence 1s
The past few weeks we have experienced more frostiness and conceding than Mike Barstow on date night. So when we woke on Saturday to see the ground covered with our chilly nemesis we feared for the worst. Fortunately, much like Micky B's missus after a couple of Cinzanos and one of his famous foot rubs, the temperature picked up and we we
The past few weeks we have experienced more frostiness and conceding than Mike Barstow on date night. So when we woke on Saturday to see the ground covered with our chilly nemesis we feared for the worst. Fortunately, much like Micky B's missus after a couple of Cinzanos and one of his famous foot rubs, the temperature picked up and we were good to go by 11.00am.
Make no bones about it Maidstone are a good team who are capable of taking points off any of the top sides in the division, so we knew we were in for a proper match.
Things weren't helped by young George hitting the party trail the night before and his pre-match preparation involving repeatedly vomiting into a paper bag whilst his Dad drove him to the game. Credit to him though, he made it to the match, though it soon became clear that a four pack of Woodpecker followed by some clumsy fingering didn't do much for his game, and from the way that he was running it wasn't entirely clear if he had been doing the giving or receiving.
Things started well, with us enjoying the majority of possession and using the ball well. Our midfield were magnificent throughout the game, linking up superbly, whilst always offering the simple out ball. There have been many world class double acts throughout the years, Hale & Pace, PJ & Duncan and Dennis & Gee are just a few that spring to mind, but Piper & Surridge can now be added to the pantheon of legendary duos. They may sound like a second rate firm of chartered surveyors, but these boys can play hockey. Absolutely bossed the midfield.
The first half was one way traffic, but we were unable to carve out too many meaningful chances, but we finally got our breakthrough when party boy Orpin got the last touch, flicking home from close range. We continued to press for a second but Maidstone were defending well. The tables were almost turned with Durtnell making a cracking reflex save from a well struck short corner on the stroke of half time.
The second half was more open. We started to attack in waves, with Kanzig and Collingwood dictating play down the flanks. Our second came from the stick of Wotton, following a chaotic melee in the Maidstone area, but it was all started from a magnificent counter attack by the superb Farmer, who raced into the opposition half, beating five men before sliding in a dangerous ball onto the penalty spot. I must make special mention of Farmer who was magnificent all day, snuffing out any incursion down the right and swiftly transitioning back into attack.
Our third came from a short corner, with that man Piper, tucking away the rebound. Jasper is now clear at the top of the scoring charts for the season. Come on forwards, you can't let a defensive midfielder win again.
Maidstone then came back at us, with their captain having more influence as the game became stretched. They managed to score after the ball had ricocheted around the area before falling to an attacker. 3-1.
Almost insulted by conceding, we pushed again and were rewarded with one final goal, this time it was Surridge who charged into the area and finding himself in acres of space, unleashed a powerful reverse stick shot that slid in past the near post.4-1 at the final whistle.
Maidstone had arrived with high hopes but left feeling abject disappointment. I should imagine not dissimilar to booking a romantic weekend away in a wonderful apartment in Austria then arriving to find out it is Josef Fritzl's basement.
It was a great game, played in a really good spirit. It was also great to see Jim back on the pitch having made the greatest comeback since Lazarus. I would also like to thank the umpires, Deano and Prez, who did a great job, working really well as a team.
We now have a week off from league action, but then return on Feb 10th to take on the Gash.
Nomads 2 - 2 Sutton Valence 1s
Nomads 2 - 2 Sutton Valence 1s
Nomads 2 - 2 Sutton Valence 1s
Maradona's Hand of God, Jonny Bairstow's Ashes run out and Mary Earps winning Sports Personality of the Year are all sporting travesties, but Cranbrook nearly witnessed one of the greatest robberies of all time on Saturday, with Sutton Valence minutes away from nicking an unthinkable victory.
We knew we were in for a tight game, with ther
Maradona's Hand of God, Jonny Bairstow's Ashes run out and Mary Earps winning Sports Personality of the Year are all sporting travesties, but Cranbrook nearly witnessed one of the greatest robberies of all time on Saturday, with Sutton Valence minutes away from nicking an unthinkable victory.
We knew we were in for a tight game, with there being very little between the teams in our previous two encounters but this time we were clearly the better side.
We dominated possession from the first whistle, playing some beautiful hockey, with
our midfield of Surridge, Hall, O'Leary, Kemsley and Collingwood controlling the tempo wonderfully, switching play from flank to flank.
Sutton Valence were like rabbits stuck in headlights as we attacked in waves, but as they say, you can have all the possession in the world but you have to take your opportunities.
Throughout the first half, chance after chance went begging. I haven't seen that many missed shots since Andrea Bocelli was invited on the annual grouse shoot at Balmoral.
With Sutton Valence not even registering a shot in the first half, we somehow went in 0-0 at the interval.
The second half was different, SV are a well-drilled side that have played a lot of hockey together and they were in no mood to roll over and have their tummies tickled.
The game started to become a little more stretched with both sides creating some great chances. The best of which fell to Parr one metre out, he struck the ball well enough but the SV goalie made an incredible point blank save.
Not to be outdone, our goalie Durtnell, made a couple of magnificent reflex saves to keep us in the game, surely the deadlock had to be broken soon?
Unfortunately, it was SV that did just that, following a powerful drag flick from a short corner. To say that it stung would be an understatement, it would have stung less if I had sandpapered my balls, dipped them in lemon juice, then stuck them in a particularly angry wasp nest.
A few minutes later things got worse, as we failed to clear a ball into the area, which saw it bouncing around before it fell to one of their attackers who tucked it away from close range. 2-0 down with ten to play.
This seemed to kick us into gear and our never say die attitude came to the fore. We began to push again, with Surridge, Hall and Kemlsey taking the game by the scruff of the neck.
We finally got our reward, with Kemsley beautifully drag flicking home our first short corner of the game.
We continued to press, but the final pass was always a little heavy. With Parr displaying all the touches of a drunken priest in a choirboy's confession box.
We kept on creating shooting opportunities, it just turned out that their goalie was better at saving than Howard from the fucking Halifax.
Finally it came, Orpin dribbled the ball down the right, taking the ball to the by line, went past two defenders, then slipped the ball in off the diving goalie. 2-2.
We continued to drive for the winner but it was not to be. It was a pulsating game that had something for everyone. Let's hope we get a chance to settle things with a third encounter at the end of the season.
I must make mention of our umpires, who once again did a terrific job in the face of constant moaning. Champagne moment of the year looks nailed on to be when a riled Prez, strode up to the most vocal of the complainers and tore a strip off him, finishing with the immortal line ' I don't give up my Saturday mornings to be abused by little squirt like you, now piss off'. Absolutely classic.
Nomads 4 - 0 Sevenoaks
Nomads 2 - 2 Sutton Valence 1s
Nomads 4 - 0 Sevenoaks
As days at the office go, this must have been right up there with when Nick Hancock somehow managed to snog that fit bird by the stationery cupboard.
Sevenoaks arrived flying high at the top of the league but they left knowing they were very much second best. I have not seen anything so one-sided since rotund 70s nonce, Cyril Smith jumped
As days at the office go, this must have been right up there with when Nick Hancock somehow managed to snog that fit bird by the stationery cupboard.
Sevenoaks arrived flying high at the top of the league but they left knowing they were very much second best. I have not seen anything so one-sided since rotund 70s nonce, Cyril Smith jumped on a see-saw with Warwick Davis.
From the push back we took control and dominated play for the next 70 minutes.
Our midfield was magnificent, with Jasper, Joe, Greg, Seb and Ben handing out a lesson in how to control a game as a unit. With Greg and Jasper holding the midfield, it gave licence to our other players to express themselves.
Our first goal came from wunderkind George Orpin, scoring his third in two games. Georgey boy is growing in stature with each game and is fast becoming one of the first names on the team sheet.
We continued to press with our pace down the flanks, which caused all sorts of problems for the Sevenoaks' defence, who looked about as comfortable as Boris Johnson at the Covid Inquiry.
Jasper then added the second, following a glorious move down the left.
Joe was having an absolute belter of a game and was linking up beautifully with his Dad, Ben. They injected a real urgency into the game, probably something to do with them needing to get a flight to Thailand immediately after the game. They must really like those ping pong bars.
There was still time for a third before the half time whistle, this time it was Reuben who tucked the ball home from close range.
The second half carried on in a similar fashion. We continued to attack in waves, and at times seemed to be camped in their half. Our poor goalie, Alex Durtnell, was as redundant as a Frenchman's bathmat.
The Sevenoaks attack was about as toothless as Shane MacGowan, and when they did manage to mount an attack it was snuffed out by Farmer and Terry at the back.
Our final goal came courtesy of a returning Mike Parr, who had been a nuisance all day, well that is the report I had got from the local cub scout leader.
We wrapped up an emphatic win 4-0, which lets the rest of the division know that we are still very much in the mix to secure our fourth league title in a row.
We all celebrated with a few pints and a superb sausage and chips back at The George.
Shame that not one of the opposition could join us, they all ran off faster than a PE class at a primary school, after hearing that Jimmy Saville was turning up to introduce them to his own version of Handball.
Match Reports
Holcombe Hawks 0-5 Nomads
Sutton Valence 1s 5-3 Nomads
Holcombe Hawks 0-5 Nomads
Having dropped points in our last two games, it was great to get back to winning ways yesterday.
We have played Holcombe regularly since we started the club, taking on the Heroes, Harriers, Hurricanes and now the Hawks. I think next year we are up against the Hermaphrodites.
We rocked up with a bit of a makeshift team, but what a line-up it proved to be.
The Hawks came at us hard for the first ten minutes and it was very obvious that we were in for a proper match. Having weathered the early storm we started to gain a foothold in the game, with Greg and Seb dominating the middle of the park.
The breakthrough came following a quick counter attack, firstly Barstow picked out Ben with a quick hit from the back, he moved the ball onto James, who slipped a perfect pass through to George, who finished with aplomb, registering his first goal for the club. It was a great team goal.
The goal seemed to settle us and we finished the half strongly, playing some lovely stuff. Young George was having the game of his life out on the right wing, he is proving to be a top acquisition this season. Our dominance was rewarded with a second goal, with James pulling the ball back for a returning Bellhouse to smash home. It was Bellhouse's first game for over a year, and as returns go, it would rank in my top three, above 'Return of the Jedi' but below ' Mark Morrison's hip hop classic 'Return of the Mac'.
The second half followed a similar pattern, as we started to play some lovely stuff. Our youngsters, George, Ed and Joe really started to express themselves. I haven't seen three teenagers from Ashford have that much fun since Poundland released their new Hippy Crack range.
The boys combined for our third goal, with the impressive Orpin applying the finishing touch.3-0.
We continued to press, with Joe becoming more and more influential, he even found time for a light skirmish with a 45 year-old bloke who he had a running battle with all day. The boy was made to play for Newenden.
Our fourth goal was unusual. Bellhouse had taken over short corner duties, following the withdrawal of the superb James , who had played his finest game in a Nomads shirt. Having stopped the ball, Bellhouse scuffed an attempted shot, but it rolled straight into the path of Ed, who drove along the byline then casually slipped the ball past the goalie, it was a class finish.
There was still time for more excitement, firstly we scored one more, this time is was Joe's turn to get his name on the scoresheet following a superb pass from Barstow.
We then saw the other side of Barstow's game, a reckless hack from behind saw him pick up a green card. He may pass like Bobby Moore, but unfortunately he tackles like Roger Moore.
O'Leary then joined Barstow in the bin, before Lawton made it three a few minutes later, picking up a yellow after disputing the green.
We managed to hang on for the 5-0 win and get our title challenge back on track.
It was a great day out, played in a really good spirit, I would also like to mention the umpires, who were exceptional, can't remember a call they got wrong.
We now look ahead to Blackheath at home this Saturday, let's see if they show up.
Folkestone 3s 5-0 Nomads
Sutton Valence 1s 5-3 Nomads
Holcombe Hawks 0-5 Nomads
As days go this is one I would like to forget, it is right up there with when my Mum picked me up two hours late from Gary Glitter day care when I was six.
Folkestone away is always a tough one, which was made a whole lot tougher when Jay McGoon pulled out at 8pm the night before.I now know how the Welsh rugby side felt after being fucked by a large Fijian a couple of weeks ago.
After some late night panic calls we managed to rustle up eleven brave souls to tackle the weather and make our way down to the seaside.
When we arrived the rain had subsided for a bit and conditions looked reasonable, unfortunately this was not to last as the heavens opened just as we pushed back. It was so bloody wet, I almost expected Marti fucking Pellow to be umpiring.
Things started badly, with Folkestone going ahead within the first five minutes, after a ball broke lose from a tackle in midfield and fell straight into the path of an onrushing attacker, who carried the ball into the area and struck a powerful shot past young George in goal.
Though it didn't seem possible, conditions then worsened considerably, the rain got heavier and the wind picked up, which meant it was sheeting straight into our faces. It was hockey's version of Bukkake.
With the ball now running into puddles and not being able to look up to see what was going on, Folkestone scored a scrappy second. At this point the umpires called it off and took us off the pitch.
As we took shelter in the dugout, the Folkestone players did a superb job of removing a huge lake of standing water, using sticks, brooms, spades and large foam banner.
We then went back out, and almost immediately gave away a flick, with Seb Terry being deemed to have kicked away a goal bound effort. 3-0 at half time.
We started the second half much better and began to apply to apply some pressure, with our midfield of Kanzig, Yeabsley, Collingwood and Kemsley linking up well together.
Unfortunately our momentum was halted as we were once again taken off the pitch as the rain got even harder. In my 40 years of playing hockey I have never been taken off a pitch once for unplayable conditions, let alone twice.
After a five minute break, we then went back out. It was almost impossible to play any decent stuff, but credit to Folkestone they had a young and well-drilled side who stuck to the task and scored two more late goals.
There were a few positives to take from the day, we picked up a very good new prospect in George Orpin, who is up for playing with us regularly, and Batesy had a great game at left back, but my favourite part was the final whistle.
We will put this one down as a blip, as everything is still very much in our hands, if anything it just makes us hungrier to get a grip on this division. Let's take it out on the man-buns next week.
Sutton Valence 1s 5-3 Nomads
Sutton Valence 1s 5-3 Nomads
Sutton Valence 1s 5-3 Nomads
What an absolute cracker of a match. After the rain had passed a record crowd was treated to two strong teams going toe to toe for the full 70 minutes.
Having called it on with Sutton Valence 1s, who are currently sweeping all aside two divisions above us, we did think we may have bitten off more than we could chew and for the first ten minutes of the match that certainly seemed to be the case. They dominated the midfield and closed us down quicker than a local branch of NatWest.
The SV side were well drilled and obviously had done some training, something we may need to consider at some point.
Having weathered the early storm, we restructured the side to strengthen the centre of midfield and this seemed to work as we began to get a foothold in the game.
We then took the lead, with Kanzig finishing off a superb passing interchange, as he lifted the ball over the keeper.
Sutton Valence came back at us, and scored a somewhat dubious equaliser from a short corner, with the first shot being struck over the backboard.1-1.
Though this was a friendly, it was being played at high intensity. In fact it was so intense, it felt like a televised game of soggy biscuit with Daniel Day-Lewis. Probably win an oscar for that.
SV then went ahead, again from another short corner, the initial shot was blocked but the ball fell to one of their attackers who tucked it away.
This seemed to galvanise us and we responded with one of the most beautifully crafted goals you could hope to see. The ball was played out to Greg Surridge, who was making a very impressive debut, he played the ball down the line to Ollie Lees-Aimes, who dribbled past two defenders, then pulled ball back to the top of the area, where it was played across goal at pace, where James Yeabsley scored superbly, striking the ball first time past the SV goalie.2-2.
We started strongly in the second half, with Joe Kemsley really starting to show his flare, after a dominant period, SV scored against the run of play, again from a short corner. This did not deter us or our vocal travelling support, at one point they were so rowdy, the umpire threatened to send me off unless they calmed down. I haven't witnessed so much abuse from a crowd since Nigel Farage was booked to appear at a boat party, then found out it was on the Bibby Stockholm.
The game continued end to end, but our third goal came from an unlikely source. Another SV short corner, was defended superbly and the ball broke to one of our defenders who quickly struck it up the field, we suddenly had men over on the counter. A couple more swift passes and Holroyd was slipping the ball into the goal. 3-3. Game on.
Unfortunately our joy was to be short lived as SV came straight back at us and scored a well-worked goal, with Al Carter finishing off nicely on the reverse.
The game then became stretched as we pushed for an equaliser, which allowed the opposition to score gain in the final minutes.5-3.
It was a scintillating game and really shows how far we have come as a side. We are just a group of mates that decided to form a hockey club, and can now mix it with some of the best teams in the area.
I must give the umpires a special mention, who had a really tough task, with both sides (and their support) giving them a lot of 'friendly advice'. At the end of the game, poor Deano looked like a man who had just won a holiday in the raffle, and found it it was a two week activity trip to Gaza. Sometimes it is a thankless task officiating these games, but I am sure I speak for us all when I say we thoroughly appreciate you giving up your Saturday to help us out. Glad the six pints of Stella seemed to put a smile back on your face.
We now turn our attention back to winning the league when we take on a strong looking Folkestone side this weekend.
Burnt Ash 3s 1-5 Nomads
Nomads 4 - 0 Old Willies 4s
Sutton Valence 1s 5-3 Nomads
The Nomads went top of the table following an excellent game with Burnt Ash.
Maidstone 4s 2-2 Nomads
Nomads 4 - 0 Old Willies 4s
Nomads 4 - 0 Old Willies 4s
If ever there was a performance that encapsulates what Newenden is all about, it was on Saturday.
With the side decimated by a combination of injury, holidays and stag do's, it was a miracle we got a team out at all.
I made so many calls last week my wife thought I was moonlighting on a sex line. It got to the point that I almost got in touch with that fat bloke who was planning to kidnap Holly Willoughby to ask him if he could chuck Sean Curley in the back of his van at the same time.
Finally we pulled eleven players together and made it to Maidstone for the afternoon push back. To compound problems further it was the hottest October day on record, which isn't ideal when you have no subs.
Things couldn't have started worse as we gifted the opposition two goals in the first ten minutes and things were looking bleak.
But Newenden do not know how to lose and we started to work ourselves back into the game. The triumvirate of Jasper Piper, James Kanzig and James Yeabsley were absolutely immense as they took control of the middle of the pitch.
We started to attack and the game swung when we picked up our first short corner, and what a short corner it was, with Yeabsley drag flicking the ball into the top left corner. 2-1, game on.
This seemed to rattle the opposition, as it wasn't turning into the procession that they first thought.
We then managed to equalise, with a carbon copy of the first goal, once again Yeabsley depositing the ball into the top corner with another drag flick. There was so much dragging going on, you would have thought that Ru Paul was our new short corner coach. 2-2 at half time.
The team talk at half time mainly revolved around getting more short corners, and after the break I haven't seen that many balls slapping into feet since Gary Glitter got a Saturday job in the Cambodian branch of Clarks before the start of term.
As the game went on, we started to tire and Maidstone starting to attack in waves. Our task was made that much harder when Dan Katte, on debut, pulled his hamstring, leaving us with ten men for the last twenty minutes. Surely we couldn't hold out?
Jasper had other ideas, as he was a one man army keeping the opposition at bay. Maidstone's captain was a very good player and continually drove at us ,but every time he did, up would pop Jasper and nick the ball off him at the last moment. I haven't seen a big bald man so frustrated since Duncan Goodhew ran out of pound coins just as he reached the vinegar strokes at a Soho peep show.
My pre-match comment about Rorks Drift was not far off, as to a man, we worked our socks off to hang on for the hardest of hard fought draws.
It was one of my proudest moments in a Newenden shirt, everyone gave their all for the sake of the team.
I must make special mention of young Noah Rogers, Pete's son, who put in an immense shift, playing his first game of men's hockey, looks like a very decent prospect.
We retain our unbeaten record and now we prepare ourselves for a top of the table clash against Burnt Ash in a couple of weeks.
If we can bring the same spirit that we showed on Saturday we will be just fine.
Nomads 4 - 0 Old Willies 4s
Nomads 4 - 0 Old Willies 4s
Nomads 4 - 0 Old Willies 4s
Yesterday saw the Nomads record back to back league victories to cement their place at the top of the table.
It was our first home game of the season and we couldn't have asked for better conditions as we pushed back in glorious sunshine.
It soon became apparent that the opposition would be no push over, as they had some players that were very decent on the ball.
After the first ten minutes our midfield started to take a grip on proceedings with Sam Holroyd and Jasper Piper starting to show their class.
Short corners are fast becoming the greatest source of our goals, and yesterday was no different, as Piper scored the opener, after the ball had been slipped to Seb O'Leary on the left. A very nicely worked goal.
This seemed to open the game up, and we began to attack at will.
Yeabsley was switched up to centre forward and was causing the Old Willies defence all sorts of problems, and was unlucky to not get a flick, when he was taken out by one of their defenders as he was about to unleash.
The second goal did come, once again from a short corner, with the ubiquitous Kanzig applying the finishing touch. 2-0 at half time.
The second half started well, with our midfield of Holroyd, Piper, O'Leary and Ben Kemsley on debut, always finding that extra second to make the correct pass.
It was not long until we scored our third, this time it was Paul Goldring showing his poaching skills as he nipped the ball home with the goalie bearing down.
The game then started to become a bit ragged, with tackles flying in all over the place. A flashpoint came when their number eleven, who was a spit of Mike Gatting in later life, came straight through the back of Phil Morris at the top of the area. Unimpressed with the challenge Morris pushed the man in the chest, but the player went down quicker than Katie Price at a Premier League player's piss-up, clutching his face, fortunately the umpires were not falling for his shenanigans.
It is always a mistake to rile up the Nomads, and it was a mistake that Old Willies rued, almost as much as when the new intern at the MeToo movement was tasked with finding a guest speaker for a local rally, muddled up her Foxes, having thought she had booked Sam was most dismayed to see Laurence striding through the doors.
There was still time for us to score one more, once again from a short corner routine, with Yeabsley flicking the ball to the far post, where then on-running Piper deflected the ball in on the rise. It was a superb score.
The game finished up 4-0 which sends another firm message to the rest of the league.
I would like to mention our terrific young goalie, Louis. It is very rare that a 12 year old goalie doesn't get a touch, but I suppose that would have been different if Mike Parr had been playing.
I also want to thank our superb umpires Deano and Prez, who did a great job, letting a competitive game flow.
Next up we are away to Maidstone, let's hope we can make it three out of three.
K Sports 2s 0-9 Nomads
K Sports 2s 0-9 Nomads
K Sports 2s 0-9 Nomads
That's how you kick off your new league campaign.
Having beaten K Sports twice last season, registering a win was no more surprising than discovering that Russell Brand has a penchant for showing his johnson to a few female colleagues, but it was the nature of the victory that really stands out.
We were up against it from the off, with Mike Parr deciding to have a lie in. He still hasn't explained what actually happened, though I did here that there was Brownie camp on the Rammel field last night.
So we started with a bare eleven and for the first five minutes we were up against it,but we then settled into a rhythm as the midfield started to take control. Olly Addis was running things out on the right and seemed to be at the centre of all of our best attacks.
The breakthrough came from a short corner, with Addis taking the ball to his right and striking in a powerful shot. We scored a second shortly after, courtesy of new left wing sensation Pete Rogers, who attacked the ball at the back post and tucked away his strike nicely.
Things then started to get a little fractious, which culminated in Jasper making a last ditch tackle which wiped out the attacker and Batesy in one fell swoop. Jasper was green carded and a penalty flick was awarded after a conflab between the umpires. Morris then followed him off, after politely expressing what he thought of the decision.
But justice was served with Bates, who was clearly concussed after the collision, saving the flick. He was so out of it, he didn't even realise he had made the save, he thought they had scored. Head injuries smead injuries, people make so much fuss about them nowadays.
This save seemed to kick us into another gear, with Finn Piper having his best game in a Newenden shirt, totally bossing the K Sports defence.
He was soon rewarded for his efforts with our third goal following some lovely play down the left.
Jasper then joined the party slipping in our fourth on the stroke of half time.
The second half followed a similar pattern to the first, with us dominating the ball and cutting the opposition open. Addis was still on fire, and completed his hat trick, following another couple of slick short corners.
The umpire must have been given his green card for Christmas, as he loved getting it out, with Jasper receiving another breather. Then a couple of their guys got the same treatment. At one point there were so many green cards given out, I heard that the Mexican national side have requested they play their next fixture here.
Amidst all the comings and goings, we scored three more goals, first we saw Jasper add to his earlier strike, then Finn scored a great solo effort , before the goal of the day, as Finn drilled in a shot/cross from a tight angle and a defender lifted it straight into his own net at pace. 9-0.
It was a great performance and a wonderful way to start our new campaign. To a man everyone played brilliantly, I couldn't have been prouder of the application and execution that we all put in. Well done lads.
Marden 4s 1-5 Nomads
K Sports 2s 0-9 Nomads
K Sports 2s 0-9 Nomads
When will Marden learn? The decision to invite us down for the second friendly in a week was as poorly thought through as when the village agreed to host Adam Woodyatt's ill-fated one man play 'Fred West- Beyond the Patio' at the Memorial Hall back in 2009.
Having dealt with the 5s last week, this time it was the turn of Marden 4s to reap the whirlwind as we blew them away with another commanding performance.
On a scorcher of a day, the only thing that could match the soaring temperatures was the standard of our hockey.
From the push back our midfield quickly kicked into gear and started to dictate play, with Yeabsley and Piper linking up nicely and spreading the ball wide to O'Leary and Addis.
The breakthrough game after ten minutes, with Addis driving into the area, finding Goldring who slipped the ball to an onrushing Wotton to finish.1-0.
It was soon to become 2-0, following a a slick move down the left, with once again Wotton making the shot, but the ball being diverted in off a Marden stick.
The game then settled for a period as the heat started to take it's toll, but we were only gathering our breath before we went back through the gears and scored two more goals in quick succession, both of them from the stick of evergreen Paul Goldring, who after a couple of early misses, soon found himself racing up my chart of favourite Pauls. He has cruised past Pogba and Newman, but has some way to go to reach Young.
Marden then started to attack with a little more purpose but the defence put in another impressive shift, with Terry and Farmer showing why they are so important to the side.
Farmer has started the season on fire and is fast becoming the first name on the teamsheet.
In the final ten minutes the game became a little more ragged and our attack of Wotton, Barstow, Goldring and Kanzig took full advantage, as we added one more to the scoresheet, with Wotton once again doing the honours.
Marden managed to sneak a consolation goal, drilling in a well placed shot from a short corner.
It was another very encouraging performance, particularly from the boys in midfield who put in a real shift. Jasper must have felt like he had run the Marathon des Sables by the end of it. Well done boys.
We now turn our focus to the first league game of the season against K Sports next Saturday. Imperative we get off to a winning start.
Marden 5s 0 -3 Nomads
K Sports 2s 0-9 Nomads
Marden 5s 0 -3 Nomads
Newenden got the new season off to a flying start with a comprehensive victory over a skillful Marden Vets side, boasting several representative international players.
The 3-0 scoreline doesn't really do the display justice, as I haven't seen eleven old men get humped like that since a group of Chelsea Pensioners were slipped a batch of viagra-infused cod liver tablets and took a wrong turn on their centenary tour to Amsterdam.
The Nomads were giving debuts to several new recruits, who you thought may have taken a little time to knit together, but not a bit of it, as we put together some slick interplay from the off and were carving the opposition apart at will.
James Yeabsley looks like a great addition to the club, as he anchored the midfield and didn't put a foot wrong all night, as he broke down numerous attacks and then set up the counter.
Jay McGoon and Mike Parr were causing all sorts of problems up top, with their direct running creating multiple early chances.
We finally went ahead, following a great move down the right, with the ball being played into Richard Lawton in the left side of the area. He took the ball past one man then slipped it past the goalie. It was a thing of beauty.
The goal opened the game up further and we went onto to score two more before half-time, both from the stick of McGoon.
Marden then got an injury, so Dickie Lawton swapped sides, to make it ten a side.
Pulling on the bile yellow shirt seemed to inspire him, as he played a superb second half for the opposition, so much so I think they are considering doctoring his birth certificate so he can join the rest of the England Over 65s on their big Eastbourne tour.
The game became a little more fragmented in the second half, as we continued to dominate the play, but tried a little to hard to score the perfect goal, rather than just playing the ball between the lines.
The midfield of Yeabsley, O'Leary, Kanzig and Howells were magnificent, putting in a serious shift in extreme heat. It was so muggy, I thought I was at the Marden end of season mixer.
The defence were exceptional yesterday too, with Farmer playing an absolute blinder at left back, he is going to be key for us this season. Olly Addis showed some lovely touches and always offered the out ball. His younger brother Jake looks like a terrific find in goal. Great to see the squad starting to show real depth.
The game finished up 3-0, but Marden knew they had escaped with that, so much so, that I saw a few of them strapped to the underside of a food delivery lorry as they left the club.
The majority of the side went for a curry after the game, which was great fun and something we should all do more often, if only to hammer Mike Parr for being a nonce.
We take on Marden 3s next weekend in our final warm-up game before the league starts, let's make sure we give them a hiding too. I bloody love beating Marden.
Season Overview 22/23
Tunbridge Wells 2 - 4 Nomads
Marden 5s 0 -3 Nomads
I do not sum up Monday by the match but by what happened after the game.
Yes, we lost a hard-fought game to a better side, but what defines us is our camaraderie. That is the very ethos of what the Newenden Nomads are all about.
It couldn't have been clearer than when our whole side were left enjoying each other's company in the Marden clubhouse, well after every opposition player was long gone, and that has been the case on most occasions this season.
We are so much more than what happens on the pitch, Win or lose, we stand together as a team. Once you play for Newenden you are Newenden forever.
We have enjoyed another incredible season, winning our third consecutive league title. The squad may be ever-changing but the spirit remains and that is what makes our club so unique.
There have been too many highs to mention them all, as to a man we have all contributed to the club's success.
The forwards have set the division alight, with goal-machine Ollie leading the way, scoring 23 times to set a new club record. Paul continues to confound medical science with his performances just shy of being able to draw his pension. Ziggy proved himself key to our success, pulling the strings in the number ten role. Mike Parr has terrorised many an aging defender with his electric pace and dribbling, and Rich managed to chipped in with some important goals as he timed his arrival into the box perfectly, shame he couldn't manage to time his arrival to the game so well.
Finn managed to leave the bright lights of Milton Keynes to put in a few great cameos, highlighted by a couple of scuffed goals and Will Wotton started the season so well, before forgetting that the season restarted after Christmas.
And how can I forget my right hand man Jim, who played through the pain barrier (though not the speed) to register some of the greatest one-legged heroics since Lord Nelson. Who will forget his jinking dribble and finish on the reverse against K Sports.
The midfield have been the heartbeat of the side, with Seb O'Leary fast becoming the first name on the team sheet, with a string of impressive performances. Zandie is hockey's answer to Michael Ball, putting on a show each time he takes to the field. Then there is the club's Swiss army knife, Reubs. He is capable of doing so many things, I think he is the only player to have played in every position on the pitch this season, and has proved to be a revelation in all of them. Pete put in some superb shifts, particularly when playing in midfield, he also put in an early contender for cock of the year by losing his stick in the netting behind the goal in the pre-match warm up. Still chuckle at Connor having to go and get his ladders to help him out.
Though we haven't seen as much of them as we would like, whenever Sam and Jasper have played we have been a better side. Sam is the puppet master in the middle, dictating play and demonstrating what a class player he is, never more so than on Monday against Marden. Jasper managed to clock up a marathon every game he played, the only man that makes N'golo Kante look lazy. He literally leaves everything on the pitch, including his teeth.
The defence has been exceptional again this year, with Seb Terry once again proving what a key player he is for us. His pace and strength adds so much to the back line, recording more tackles than Garry Glitter's hidden video camera in the cub scouts shower room.
Micky B continues to work on his lumberjack skills, though it was nice to see that this season these extended to those above thirteen years of age. He also put up more shit aerials than Radio Rentals.
Connor has been a quality addition to the club, both on and off the field. As he has shrunk in size, he has continued to grow as player. Next season he should be giving Jasper a run for his money.
Box has been solid as ever in goal, often a thankless task, as you do nothing for ages and are then called into action. Sounds a bit like Jim on date night. Box also took on the role of mentor to the newest member of the club, the one and only Mini-Merv, who had the balls to strap on the pads for the first time at the age of 50, even keeping a clean sheet in our crunch game against K Sports, his form dipped a little after that, as Deano so eloquently pointed out.
Batesy has been an able deputy, and who will forget his slo-mo running stumble against Marden, one of the funniest things I have ever seen on a hockey pitch.
Notable mentions must go to Will Farmer, Olly Addis, Archie Miles, George Levitt and Nick Reid, who we hope to see much more of next year.
I would also like to thank our umpires Deano, Prez and Chelsea. They exuded authority and calm in the face of dogs abuse, but their willingness to let the game flow only added to the matches.I must say that having Deano has not only made my life so much easier, but he has slipped straight into the club as if he has been here for years. Cheers Deano.
Finally I would like to thank my mate Jim, who does an awful lot of the dull shit behind the scenes, you could say he was made for the role. Without his efforts the club would not be able to function and for that I am truly grateful.
We have got a great thing going here boys and I look forward to every Saturday with a childish enthusiasm, not only as I know we are about to dish out a whipping to some unsuspecting gits from Medway, but because I know I am going to have a thoroughly enjoyable time.
Thank you to you all for making that happen.
It is a pleasure to captain this side and I look forward to seeing how far we can go.
Up the Nomads.
Tunbridge Wells 2 - 4 Nomads
Tunbridge Wells 2 - 4 Nomads
Tunbridge Wells 2 - 4 Nomads
In the Jurassic period, I had an Australian English Master, Bruce James Piper, who chose to go by the name of James Piper – if he knew what I know, he would have stuck to Bruce.
Anyway, Mr Piper had a real issue with the word ‘nice’ and used to go crazy if we used it in either written or conversational context claiming it to be a nonentity of a word.
Well suck on this, Mr B J Piper, this was a really ‘nice’ game.
Both sides passed the ball around well, played the game in a great spirit, and deserve credit for a good afternoon in Pembury.
Wells’ mixture of experience and real youth in their development side were a test for Newenden, but Nomads are a Champion team with a 6 speed gearbox, they didn’t need to shift beyond 3rd or 4th gear to win this.
Some of the Wells youngsters played really well, particularly the young left back and the tiny right winger, who started off very well but faded after a couple of axe wields by Mikey B.
Newenden opened the scoring midway through the first half with a neat deflected finish by Reuben Collingwood following good work by Ollie Lees-Amies. Newenden huffed and puffed a bit for the rest of the half, but Well’s possession game and issues with the final ball kept the score to 1-0 at the break.
Coach Piper, who was a brooding, Antonio Conte like presence on the sideline (some might venture a Complete Conte) clearly in conjunction with Skipper for the day, PulGoldring, galvanised things at the interval and Nomads came out strongly for the first 20 minutes of the second half, netting 3 goals in the process, taking things to 0-4.
Barney Hall, who was absolutely outstanding throughout, netted number 2 from a badly-worked, mishit short corner routine. A Lee-Amies Penalty Flick put Newenden 3-0 up and Ollie then rounded off the Nomad’s sscoring with the goal of the game.
Hall danced inside and out leaving 3 Wells players jolly confused, before an excellent crossfield ball found Ollie Lees-Amies who finished with his usual aplomb and sense of inevitability.
Tunbridge Wells kept going until the end, scoring twice with their only 2 shots on goal (a 100% conversion/conceding rate). Both good goals, neither can be attributed to Mini-Merv.
Only 2 shots on goal. The Nomads defence was outstanding. Connor Goode was a calm, collected and authoritative presence in the centre whilst Will Farmer to the right and Joe Bates to the left also had great games. A brilliant block from a goalbound short corner strike by Connor, and an equally brilliant last ditch tackle by Joe, which prevented Merv being exposed to another shot, were the highlights.
Good win, and the fitting end to a fantastic season of good hockey, great team spirit and excellent camaraderie throughout the Club.
All of the above is fair testament to the wonderful work of a very important friend lost this week to somewhere with snow. From his expletive-ridden on field commentary, to his brilliant organisation and admin skills, this season and everything good about it is an ongoing tribute to the Skipper. Thank you Phil, and well done everyone.
Nomads 4 - 5 Folkestone
Tunbridge Wells 2 - 4 Nomads
Tunbridge Wells 2 - 4 Nomads
What an absolute humdinger of a game.
Two well-matched teams going toe to toe for seventy minutes, with more end to end action than a night with Elton John and George Michael.
With the league sewn up a couple of weeks ago, we took a more relaxed approach to selection which allowed for a scintillating encounter.
Things started well enough, with the Nomads enjoying possession and creating a few half-chances, but it was Folkestone who drew first blood, as they slipped the ball in at the near post after a good counter attack.
We then pressed hard and were rewarded with a swift equaliser, as Zandie Howells slid the ball home after it had ricocheted off the post following a shot by Jim Piper.
We were not level for long though, as we gifted Folkestone a second. The attacker hit a tame shot straight at goalkeeper Al 'Mini-Merv' Auger, who went to kick the ball, missed it completely and we all watched in disbelief as it rolled agonisingly under his foot into the goal.
Having now seen Merv keep wicket and keep goal, I think that any role with the word keeping in should be off limits, including book, house and game. Bloody love you Merv.
The game continued with this amazing tempo and this time it was our turn to level things up with Ollie Lees-Amies slamming the ball home from close range. 2-2, surely things would settle down now.
Not at all, Folkestone came again and managed to take the lead after a scrappy short corner, with the ball breaking to one of their attackers who was unmarked and picked his spot. 3-2 at the break.
The second half started very differently, we regained our composure and started to play some nice stuff, dominating possession and camping in the Folkestone area.
Our third came after some superb work from Richard Lawton as he nipped in front of the defender following a soft back pass, released Mike Parr who hared off to the by line, pulling back the perfect pass for Lees-Amies to stroke the ball home from the penalty spot. Was a superb goal. 3-3.
The game then began to become stretched as we pushed hard for more goals. Finn Piper was doing his best Jasper impression and seemed to be popping up everywhere, and Howells and Parr were both putting in power-fuelled shifts in centre midfield. Surely we had to score.
But no, it was Folkestone that went back ahead following a mix-up at the back as Seb Terry was dispossessed at the top of the area, with their star man pouncing on the error and striking the ball home. 4-3.
There was still time for more excitement.
The Nomads went hard for the equaliser and their efforts were to pay off after a period of sustained pressure, with that man again Lees-Amies finding some space in a congested area to score. 4-4 with five minutes to play.
Nomads hearts were broken as Folkestone finally came up with the winner, once again their young playmaker applying the finishing touch after a super dribble.
It is never easy to lose, but if you are going to lose, do it in a game like this. It was an absolute cracker and gave us a proper test.
Well done to Folkestone, they put in a great performance.
I would also like to thank the umpires, Deano and Prez, who did a great job to keep a grip on a rollercoaster of a game.
One more league game to go before be sign-off on another fantastic season and what a season it has been.
Match Reports
Nomads 6 -1 K Sports
Nomads 6 -1 K Sports
Nomads 6 -1 K Sports
Since joining the league in 2020 our record reads, played 35, won 33, drawn 2, and for the first half hour against K Sports our unbeaten run looked under threat.
We expected nothing less from the top of the table clash.
You know you are in for a game when you see the opposition being put through their paces with a vigorous pre-match warm-up and training drill. We always find this a little disconcerting as it the antithesis of our own preparations, which usually consist of a cheeky fag, a chat about what you did you last night and trying to take Box's head off from the top of the D.
In fact, this week we took our pre-match antics to new levels of ridiculousness, as Pete Rogers manged to get his stick stuck in the protective netting behind the goal whilst trying to dislodge a stray ball.
It way a joy to watch the Head of Economics spend twenty fruitless minutes trying to recover it with the assistance of five hapless helpers. I can see the newspaper headline now. ' Local Teacher Rogers Kids, Playground Debacle'. I think I may have got the comma in the wrong place there.
Finally we got the game underway, and what a game it turned out to be. Two strong sides going toe to toe. The first twenty minutes were more of an arm wrestle as we tried to get on top. We were playing with great discipline, keeping our shape nicely, but a spanner was thrown in the works as Rufus Cottrell had to withdraw after ten minutes after taking a nasty blow on the hand.
After a couple of near misses, we finally made the breakthrough after a superb ball from Seb O'Leary picked out Ollie Lees-Amies on the right, his slide rule pass across goal was finished off superbly by the evergreen Paul Goldring, sliding in at the far post.
We went in 1-0 up at half time.
The K Sports team talk must have worked as they scored within minutes of the restart, after we were caught on the counter from a short corner.
This just riled us, as we went straight up the other end and scored ourselves, with regular goal machine Lees-Amies working his magic in the area.
The midfield then took a firm grip on the game, with Holroyd, O'Leary, Rogers and Howells all having magnificent games. Howells is fast becoming one of our key players, as he topped off another great performance with our third goal.
At 3-1 down the opposition threw caution to the wind and started to attack in numbers which put a lot of pressure on the defence. We held strong, with Mike Barstow making some particularly robust challenges. He seemed to save his most full-bodied tackles for the opposition's youngsters, in fact at one point he took out more kids than Gary Glitter during the Cambodian school holidays.
By committing so many forward it left so much space for us to attack and Reuben Collingwood, Newenden's Mr Versatile, then smashed in our fourth. Followed by what was probably one of the finest individual goals we have ever scored, as Lees-Amies dribbled round five defenders before slipping the ball under the goalie. It was reminiscent of Maradona's second goal against England in Mexico 86.
There was still time for Lees-Amies to complete his hat trick with a superb finish on the reverse, making him about as popular as Jeremy Hunt with the K Sports defence.I actually think I heard one of them call him that, or something similar.
It was an emphatic 6-1 win, which cements our position at the top of the table.
Burnt Ash next up.
Team : Alex Durtnell (GK), Phil Morris, Pete Rogers, Mike Barstow, Connor Goode, Ollie Lees-Amies, Zandie Howells, Seb O'Leary, Rufus Cottrell, Sam Holroyd, Jim Piper, Paul Goldring, Reuben Collingwood
Goals : Ollie Lees-Amies 3, Reuben Collingwood 1, Zandie Howells 1, Paul Goldring 1
Date : 12/11/2022
Nomads 3 -1 Ashford
Nomads 6 -1 K Sports
Nomads 6 -1 K Sports
When he finally triumphed in the sixth final he had contested Jurgen Klopp sang ' Let's talk about six baby' and he could have wheeled out his twist on the Salt n Pepper classic again yesterday, as the Nomads chalked up their sixth consecutive win of the season.
As we arrived at the astro, it was incredibly wet, bitterly cold and depressingly grey. You couldn't ask for a less inviting experience. I should imagine it would only be topped by being asked on a night out in Milton Keynes with Finn Piper (he has relocated for his placement year).
The game didn't start well either. Firstly James Kanzig had to withdraw after a minute with a back spasm, then Ashford scored with the first short corner of the game, drilling the ball inside the near post off Morris's foot.
This seemed to peak our interest a little and we started to play some decent stuff. The midfield had acres of space to work with and drove at the opposition at will.
Chance after chance went begging, with Richard Lawton being the most profligate, missing at least three sitters in the space of ten minutes. I think Dickie would love to boast the scoring record of Johnny Depp, unfortunately currently it is more in line with Johnny Vegas. I haven't seen that many blanks fired since I last attended the annual soggy biscuit contest at the local vasectomy clinic.
We finally made our breakthrough with Seb O'Leary lifting one over the goalie from close range. The Nomads continued to dominate possession and Ollie Lees-Amies carried on his scoring hot streak by smashing one in just before the interval.
The second half couldn't have started better as we scored from our very first attack, with Lees-Amies once again adding the finishing touch. We thought this would signal the opening of the floodgates but it was not to be.
Our midfield was bossing things, with Jasper Piper, Seb O'Leary, Pete Rogers and Zandie Howells putting in superb performances.
Zandie, in particular, had a great game totally overshadowing their star player (who happens to be a Cranbrook School teacher). So much so, that I heard when he got home, he emptied his pockets and found the keys to his Kia Rio, a bottle of amyl nitrate, a handful of cable ties and Mr Houston, the new economics master.
The defence was standing strong, with Connor Goode having the best game he has had in a Newenden shirt. We also saw the return of Mike Barstow, who spent the afternoon harranging and manhandling the younger members of the opposition. I heard one of the oppo saying they are considering reopening Operation Yew Tree on the back of it.
In the end, the game finished up 3-1, which very much flattered the opposition, as on another day it could easily have been 10-1.
But a win is a win and we now look forward to our top of the table clash with K Sports next Saturday.
Team : Joe Bates (GK), Phil Morris, Pete Rogers, Mike Barstow, Connor Goode, Ollie Lees-Amies, Zandie Howells, Seb O'Leary, Rufus Cottrell, James Kanzig, Jim Piper, Jasper Piper, Paul Goldring, Richard Lawton
Goals : Ollie Lees-Amies 2, Seb O'Leary 1
Date : 05/11/2022
BBHC 3 - 4 Nomads
Nomads 6 -1 K Sports
Marden 6s 1 - 4 Nomads
Yesterday saw the Nomads make one of the greatest comebacks since Michael Barrymore was signed to front the ad campaign for Harlow Hot Tubs.
BBHC had obviously not read the script as we found ourselves 3-1 down with fifteen minutes to play. But they say winning is a habit and it wasn't one that we were about to give up.
The sun was blazing down as we arrived in South East London and things started well enough.
We were pinging the ball about OK but gave the ball away too easily too often.
We got our noses in front following a good move down the right with Collingwood smashing in a rising ball from the top of the area.
This seemed to stir the opposition and they started to attack with more regularity. They were playing long balls that bypassed the midfield leaving the defence more exposed than Kerry Katona on her OnlyFans page.
They equalised just before half-time, meaning we went in 1-1 at the interval.
The second half started badly then got worse. We totally lost our shape and discipline as BBHC were allowed to attack at will down the flanks and scored two quick goals taking a commanding 3-1 lead. This was a soul-destroying and humiliating experience that we would never want to endure again, very much like going on a night out in Leeds with Finn Piper.
There were still fifteen minutes left to play and this is where we kicked into gear.
Zandie 'The Beast' Howells demonstrated his tactical acumen by moving back into midfield and switching Ollie Lees-Amies onto the right wing. I think he had realised that we were somewhat exposed by having two right wings and no right midfield. Well this move was up there with Kasparov and proved to be pivotal in the result, as we were suddenly able to stem their attacks and dominate possession down the right flank, unleashing Lees-Amies to do his thing. He didn't disappoint, banging in a ten minute hat trick to seal a momentous victory.
I must make special mention here of Reuben Collingwood, Seb O'Leary and Pete Rogers, who all had exceptional second halves.
You could only feel for the BBHC team, they had given it their all and must have been devasted as they left the pitch. I can only imagine that it must have felt like being invited for a sleepover on your tenth birthday, then finding out Michael Jackson was hosting.
It was a superb game and credit to both sides for proper giving it a go.
So we retain our unbeaten status, which now stretches to 40 games.
Ashford up at home next.
Praise the lord, an actual home game.
Team : Joe Bates (GK), Phil Morris, Pete Rogers, Seb Terry, Connor Goode, Ollie Lees-Amies, Zandie Howells, Seb O'Leary, Rufus Cottrell, Will Wotton, Jim Piper, Reuben Collingwood
Goals : Ollie Lees-Amies 3, Reuben Collingwood 1
Date : 29/10/2022
Marden 6s 1 - 4 Nomads
Herne Bay 3 - 9 Nomads
Marden 6s 1 - 4 Nomads
.jpg/:/cr=t:5.74%25,l:0%25,w:100%25,h:94.26%25/rs=w:388,h:194,cg:true)
Well we finally managed to find an opponent that was actually willing to play us after having two sides concede from the first three league games.
And how grateful we were, as Marden provided us with a very competitive match.
We arrived with a strong line-up and had high hopes for a regulation victory and all was going to plan for the first twenty minutes.
Our midfield was dominating play, with Holroyd and Kanzig dictating things and we took the lead followiing a nice move down the right, which Kanzig finished off from close range.
Lawton then added a second, smashing the ball into the top right-hand corner on the reverse.
This seemed to galvanise Marden and they started to get a foothold in the game. They had a quick and strong front two who started to cause the Nomad defence a few problems. Seb Terry was locked in a monumental battle with their strapping left wing and at one point tracked a run all the way from the halfway line at full sprint and just nipped the ball away as the opponent was setting to strike.
Marden were unable to capitalise on this period and we went in 2-0 up at half time.
The second half started the same as the first with Newenden asserting their position as the more skillful side. Space was starting to open up, with Reuben Collingwood finding himself more alone than Kwasi Kwarteng at a first-time buyers convention.
We then scored what was the goal of the day, as Holroyd picked out Wotton in the area, finding himself running away from goal he flicked the ball behind him into the path of the rampaging Howells and the Beast didn't need to be asked twice to smash the ball into the backboard.
We were then awarded a penalty flick after a Marden foot stopped the ball crossing the goal line, but after much discussion the umpire reversed his decision, it was such a u-turn you would have thought Liz Truss was officiating the game.
Wotton then joined the party as he got himself on the scoresheet putting us into a commanding 4-0 lead but there was still time for more excitement as we were caught on the counter as Marden broke in numbers. They played a great ball through to their front man who just managed to get there in front of Durtnell and slap the ball in from an acute angle. Unfortunately for him the onrushing Durtnell was unable to stop his momentum and ended up crushing the player as he fell on top of him. It remined me of when Gemma Collins fell through the trap door in the stage at the Radio 1 awards. (Click on the image above to see it for yourself, never fails to make me laugh).
Marden then came close to scoring a second but the forward couldn't repeat his earlier heroics.
The game finished up 4-1 and extends our unbeaten run to 38 games.
Next Saturday we turn our attentions to the National Cup where we take on Eastcote.
Let's see if we can make it 39.
Team : Alex Durtnell (GK), Phil Morris, Pete Rogers, Seb Terry, Connor Goode, Sam Holroyd, Zandie Howells, Seb O'Leary, James Kanzig, Finn Piper, Paul Goldring, Will Wotton, Richard Lawton, Reuben Collingwood
Goals : Will Wotton 1, James Kanzig 1, Zandie Howells 1, Richard Lawton 1
Date : 15/10/2022
Herne Bay 3 - 9 Nomads
Herne Bay 3 - 9 Nomads
Herne Bay 3 - 9 Nomads
Mother Teresa once said ' Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing'. I fear that even she may have drawn the line at the giving qualities of poor Jasper's gappy grin.
He must have rued the day he agreed to play at Herne Bay, when he had a perfectly good train strike to fall back on as an excuse not to make the trip to the Thanet coast. The omens were not good as it took us over two hours to reach Herne Bay, and from the look of the first fifteen minutes of play we had left our hockey skills in the tailback on the M2.
We could hardly string a pass together and had all the rhythm of a drunken Dad at a disco.
We gradually started to gain a little fluidity and were rewarded with the first goal as Will Wotton chipped in from close range. We then got a quick second with our new short corner blunderbuss, Connor Goode, smashing in his first effort. The floodgates then opened as Jasper Piper scored a brace, followed by scores from James Kanzig and Wotton's second. Herne Bay then scored a cracking goal of their own, with their centre forward spinning his defender and flicking the ball into the top right hand corner on the reverse.
We went in 6-1 up at half-time.
After a relatively sedate first half that was all to change in the second.
Within a few minutes of the restart we witnessed the key moment of the match as Jasper Piper took a rising ball flush in the face from two yards after making a last ditch attempt to stop a shot. He went down and spat out his gumshield with blood pouring from his mouth. As we gathered round him we found his two front teeth sitting on the astro. The umpire kicked into gear and quickly called for water, but this was not for Jasper, this was to clean the blood off the new astro. I think he had rapidly assessed the situation and realised that Jasper was fighting a losing battle anyway, so may as well try and save the astro.
To Jasper's credit he wiped away the blood and said that he wanted to come back on, they don't make them like that anymore, but the umpire said he would have to stem the bleeding, so it was decided that he should go to the local A&E.
Losing our midfield lynchpin rocked us for a period why we regained our composure.
Herne Bay took advantage of this and scored from their first short corner of the game.
Kanzig then pulled one back before our goalie, Alex Durtnell, gave away a penalty flick after taking out one of their attackers. They duly scored and it was now 7-3 with twenty to play.
We went again and scored what was probably the goal of the day. It was a superb team goal, It started with Pete Rogers, who had a great game after his shaky performance at Sutton Valence, taking him from Ted Rogers to Buck Rogers in the space of a fortnight. He played the ball into Jim Piper who cheekily slipped the ball between his legs ( insert your own gag about low-hanging fruit) straight to Goldring, who then rolled it across the area for Wotton to finish off and complete his first club hat trick.
There was still time for Kanzig to record his own hat trick, slamming home from the top of the D, after a superb assist from Zandie 'The Beast' Howells. The beast actually assisted on three of our goals yesterday, in fact I haven't seen a beast provide that much assistance since Jim's girlfriend at Wye Agricultural College, after he turned up to the Fresher's Ball on crutches.
With the game now secured, we saw out the last five minutes without any further scares, with Seb O'Leary going on a mazy dribble for at least three of them, probably the longest dribble since Batesy was asked to help out with shower time at the local boys boarding school.
It was a great result from a patchy performance, but says a lot when we can win 9-3 after not playing to our best.
Roll on Gravesham & Wellcome next weekend.
Team : Alex Durtnell (GK), Phil Morris, Pete Rogers, Seb Terry, Connor Goode, Jasper Piper, Zandie Howells, Seb O'Leary, James Kanzig, Jim Piper, Paul Goldring, Will Wotton
Goals : Will Wotton 3, James Kanzig 3, Jasper Piper 2, Connor Goode 1
Date : 01/10/2022
Philanderers 3 - 1 Jimnasts
Herne Bay 3 - 9 Nomads
Herne Bay 3 - 9 Nomads
Serena Williams recently revealed that her mantra is 'Overpower, overtake, overcome' and this has now been adopted by the Philanderers as they came out on top in a hotly contested renewal with the Jimnasts.
We were treated to a beautiful late summer's morning as we arrived at the school astro and having not played for six months, many would expect this to be a gentle preseason run out, but au contraire as the two teams went at it hammer and tongs from the off.
The two teams had been selected by the respective captains Phil Morris and Jim Piper whilst on a recent holiday to Greece, and looking at the two sides on paper you could only have thought that the heady concoction of sunstroke and cheap Ionian lager must have had some effect on Piper's selection.
But as Aristotle once said ' The whole is greater than the sum of its parts' as the Jimnasts flew out of the blocks and for the first twenty minutes were all over the Philanderers. Sam Holroyd was orchestrating things from midfield, pulling more strings than a ten fingered bass player on speed. Regularly playing slide rule passes into Finn Piper and Jay McGoon who were causing havoc in the the final third with their direct running.
They kept coming and coming at the Philanderers defence, so much so that we felt like a lady boy working a double shift at the most popular Go-Go bar in Bangkok.
Finally they got their reward as they broke through with Zandie Howells tucking away a tidy finish after Piper had burst through the defensive line, that is obviously Finn Piper and not Jim, who is more likely to burst through his trouser elastic than a defensive line at the moment.
The goal seemed to kick the Philanderers into action and we began to play the ball around with more cohesion, with Lees- Amies and Russell-Vick getting a lot of joy down the flanks. Inevitably the equaliser came just before half-time with Kanzig slotting home after some superb interplay down the right.
Fitness was starting to take its toll and there was only ever going to be one winner in the second half, and that was down to a colossus of a performance from Jasper Piper.
He was everywhere, breaking down attacks in the defensive third then making runs into the box to support the attack. By the end of the game he must have sweated more than Ryan Giggs as the jury went out to consider their verdict.
The Jimnasts defence was proving a hard nut to crack, with Terry, Farmer and Baker all putting in very solid shifts, but finally they could hold out no longer as Russell-Vick fired in our second.
The Philanderers then took control of the game, with Barney Hall, fresh back from Oz, having a second wind following a mid-half exit to clear out his stomach, after what we hear was a particularly lively night in Brighton. When he left the toilet initially I thought that he still had vomit on his top lip, but then realised it was actually the offensive little tash he had grown to fit in with the inbreds in Northern Australia. Unfortunately for Barney, even most of the women in Townsville have more impressive facial hair that his poor offering.
The Jimnasts continued to battle hard, with no one taking the term 'battle' more seriously than Mike Barstow, who was on a mission to singlehandedly foul every one of the opposition. He committed more violations than the last scouse teenager without an ASBO trying to make a name for himself.
Young George Levitt in the Philanderers goal was having a blinder, as he made a couple of superb late saves to deny the Jimnast attack.
The Philanderers finally put the icing on the cake with a third goal, as evergreen Paul Goldring snuck in front of his defender to slip the ball past the advancing Joe Bates.
The game finished up 3-1, which probably flattered the Philanderers, but sometimes when you win, you have to win ugly.
The Philanderers now take a 2-1 lead in the series.
Date : 03/09/2022
Marden 3s 1 - 3 Nomads
Nomads 5 - 0 Sutton Valence 3
Nomads 5 - 0 Sutton Valence 3
Legend goes that Robert the Bruce was inspired by watching a spider continually try to build a web, spawning the phrase ' If at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again'. I would imagine that if that particularly determined spider had played up front for Marden even he would have given up by now.
This was the fifth time we have played the Marden 3s and they are still yet to beat us, as the Nomads finished off another magnificent season with a hard fought victory over a strong Marden team.
Upon arrival we knew we were in for a good game as the opposition had a very youthful and talented side and was probably the strongest line-up Marden had put out against us.
The game was played at a high pace from the off. Marden dominated early possession and spent the majority of the first twenty minutes in our half. We gradually found our feet and started to play the ball about nicely, utilising the space down the flanks and getting at their defence.
Newenden then took the lead following some nice play down the left by James Kanzig, who played the ball in for Jasper Piper to score, and draw level at the top of the goalscoring charts in the process.
Marden came straight back at us, and won a string of short corners. They actually seemed keener to win shorts than shoot. The vociferous cheering that greeted each one being won, has not been matched since the reopening of the 'Glory Hole' in the gents toilets of the Marden Clubhouse in 2019.
Fortunately for us, their routines were poorer than some of Ann Widdecombe's on Strictly Come Dancing.
Marden did get a goal back before the break, with the centre forward bundling the ball home from close range after Alex Durtnell had made the initial save.
1-1 at half-time.
The second half was an entirely different affair. We took the upper hand early and were dominant throughout. Sam Holroyd was pulling the strings in midfield, displaying an impressive range of slide rule passes to play in our front line.
Our second goal came from a well worked short corner, with Holroyd slipping the ball to the near post for Jasper Piper to score from close range.
Newenden then put the game to bed with James Kanzig adding one more to his impressive tally for the season.
There was still time for Marden to win a run of late short corners, but the defence of Pete Rogers, Seb Terry and Phil Morris stood firm.
It was a great game, played in a great spirit, and the ideal way to round off a fantastic season.
It is hard to believe how far the club has come in such a short time. Who could have imagined that when we first discussed setting up the club in the White Hart beer garden in the summer of 2020, we would have now played 36 games of hockey and not lost one.I bloody love it.
Go the Nomads.
Team : Alex Durtnell (GK), Seb Terry, Phil Morris, Pete Rogers, Zandie Howells, Sam Holroyd, Jasper Piper, Ollie Lees-Amies, Paul Goldring, James Kanzig, Mike Parr, Finn Piper, Will Farmer
Goals : Jasper Piper 2, James Kanzig 1
Date : 18/04/2022
Nomads 5 - 0 Sutton Valence 3
Nomads 5 - 0 Sutton Valence 3
Nomads 5 - 0 Sutton Valence 3
Newenden and Sutton valence arrived at the pitch gate bright and early on a crisp sunny morning at 10am for the league finale looking to see if newenden could retain their unbeaten status for the whole season. Sadly they were still at the locked pitch gate at 10.29 due to an unfortunate mix up between ‘Mike the gatekeeper parr’, 9 pints of lager and a faulty alarm clock. Once the match got underway newenden were immediately on the offensive playing some sharp incisive hockey which resulted in Zandie Howells opening the scoring after some good work from the returning will wotton. A second followed shortly after from a well worked short corner finished clinically by Sam holroyd on his debut appearance as captain. This responsibility seemed to sit well with holroyd as he then struck once again from another short corner after a quality interchange with Seb O’Leary. 3 nil up at half time newenden continued to produce some fine hockey with some great performances from all over the pitch, young Howells and Durtnell junior particularly impressing and it was Howells who then cracked home Newenden’s 4th after a long and mazy run from wotton. Ollie lees aimes added a 5th after he seemed to circle the keeper at least 3 times (I got dizzy watching), a goal that keeps him strongly in the hunt for leading goal scorer. Sutton valence began to creep back into the game as we assumed our normal 9-1-1 formation in search of further goals leaving keeper Alex Durtnell more exposed than a Downing Street partygoer. Sutton valence used the space available to create more chances in the last 10 minutes than in the previous 60 but were solidly repelled by Durtnell who now has more clean sheets than sketchleys. With only a few minutes remaining newenden were awarded a P flick after the opposition skipper blocked the ball on the line, up stepped Howells on a hat trick looking to hit the ball with more force than a will smith right hander but unfortunately struck it with all the vigour of a 6 stone left footer. 5-0 was a fair result from a game played in a great spirit by both sides, special thanks go to both umpires for 1) umpiring so proficiently and 2) saving me from doing it! As this is the last league report of the season and phil Morris is unavailable to write this report due to inexplicably agreeing to go on holiday during the hockey season it’s a great opportunity for us all to thank both him and Jim piper for all their hard work running the club so successfully this year. League champions, unbeaten and a great club atmosphere 👍
Team : Alex Durtnell (GK), Seb Terry, Joe Bates, Mike Barstow, Seb O'Leary, Zandie Howells, Sam Holroyd, Ollie Lees-Amies, Paul Goldring, Will Durtnell, Richard Lawton, Will Wotton
Goals : Z Howells 2, S Holroyd 2,O Lees-Amies 1,
Date : 02/04/2022
Harriers 1- 4 Nomads
Nomads 5 - 0 Sutton Valence 3
Sevenoaks 2 - 5 Nomads
The Nomads recorded their tenth straight league win yesterday, but had to survive a few scares from a spirited Harriers side.
Billy Connolly once joked 'So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel'. Little did he realise how prophetic this would be, as yesterday's game was seriously impacted by a pulled muscle and the infamous aphrodisiac.
Charlie Harker had spent the night reuniting himself with twelve of the little fellas that a kindly landlord had given to him the night before. To quote Charlie ' he said he had twelve oysters left over that had to be eaten, would I like them?' Surely the red flag should have been raised at 'twelve oysters left over' but not for Harker. Credit to him though, he still turned up and put in a decent shift.
It was a beautiful day and we arrived at the pitch in wonderful sunshine. Holcombe are a serious club with impressive facilities as they showed when watering the pitch prior to play. This was done by firing wall-mounted water cannons out across the pitch. Unfortunately we were still warming up when this happened. I now know what it must have felt to be an English football hooligan in Charleroi at Euro 2000.
As the game kicked off, the increased slickness of the pitch only seemed to assist the home side, as they dominated the early exchanges. We had none of our usual shape or structure and had a penchant for giving the ball away at the worst times.
The Harriers went one up from a short corner after Durtnell had saved the initial shot but could do nothing as the rebound was tucked away.
In response we started to play a little more fluently, but couldn't find the breakthrough. Finally Lees-Amies continued his scoring hot streak as he slipped in the equalizer from close range.
We then followed up with a much needed second as Jasper Piper scored his 19th goal of the season. We went in 2-1 at the interval.
The oysters were winning their battle against Harker and he had to go off to be replaced by the returning Jim Piper, the only man that needs to be brought on to the field by stretcher.
Holcombe continued to press and were finding space as the game became more stretched. Our midfield worked tirelessly to keep us in the game, with Jasper Piper and Seb O'Leary having great games.
Goldring then pulled his achilles which meant that a reluctant Harker had to return to the pitch, fearful that any sudden movement could lead to an unexpected explosion from either end. Not sure that the opposition defence embraced the jeopardy of it as much as we did.
Finally we put the game to bed as Lees-Amies scored his second. There was still time for Jim Piper to remind us of what we have been missing up top. He may move like a milk float but he finishes like a steam train as he buried a great goal from the top of the area.
We finished up 4-1 winners, which probably slightly flattered us, but only one more game to go to secure the coveted title of' Unbeaten League Champions'.
Team : Alex Durtnell (GK), Phil Morris, Seb Terry, Charlie Harker, Joe Bates, Seb O'Leary, Jasper Piper, Sam Holroyd, Ollie Lees-Amies, Paul Goldring, Will Durtnell, Jim Piper
Goals : O Lees-Amies 2, Jasper Piper 1, Jim Piper 1
Date : 26/03/2022
Sevenoaks 2 - 5 Nomads
Nomads 11 - 0 Gillingham
Sevenoaks 2 - 5 Nomads
We saw another first on Saturday as two sixty year olds, three injury-prone 45 year olds and a lady started for the Nomads. We looked more like a piss-poor Fleetwood Mac tribute act then a title winning hockey side.
But whoever turns out, the tune is always the same as we recorded another victory against a competitive Sevenoaks team.
It took some time to adapt to the ragged surface, which had more in common with a Wetherspoons's carpet than an astro turf pitch. For the first ten minutes it was like a bunch of strangers that had no control over their dribbling, very much like a night out in Leeds with Finn.
Goldring was up to his usual tricks as he locked horns with another silver haired terrier in an ongoing battle. It was reminiscent of two ageing boxers having their last bout, a bit like Nigel Benn versus Steve Collins, unfortunately this ended up being more like Tony Benn versus Phil Collins.
We took the lead after a well worked short corner routine, with Lees-Amies tucking away at the near post after receiving the ball back from Kanzig. Two minutes later,
lightening struck twice, as we achieved the same result from the same routine.
Sevenoaks then got themselves back into the game, scoring a scrappy goal from a short corner after manchild George Levitt had made a superb series of close range saves.
We went in 2-1 at the break.
We stepped things up after the break with our midfield getting a real grip on the game.
You can forget Michell Obama, there is another First Lady in town and that is Izzy Coghlan who made a little history as she became the first lady to represent the mighty Nomads. Izzy had a cracking game and at least she managed to stay on the pitch for the whole game, which was more than could be said of her ruffian of a boyfriend.
Following his hip replacement last summer it was also great to see Charlie Sloan back on the field as he completed one of the greatest comebacks since Lazarus.
Our dominance finally paid off with Kanzig scoring after some good work by Goldring on the left.
Confucius once said 'Never give a sword to a man that can't dance' and if he had been wandering past Holly Bush Lane yesterday he may well have rephrased that to ' Never give the ball to Micky B with time to shoot in the D'
Twice he found himself in acres of space with only the keeper to beat, wound up for the big finish and ended up hitting nothing but air.
Fortuntaley it did prove to be third time lucky as he swept home a lovely Kanzig cross to make amends for his earlier misdemenaours.
Sevenoaks then scored again to set up a tight finish. We spurned a hatful of late chances, with Bellhouse, who must have been taking tips from Barstow, being the main culprit. If he had played all day I still think he would have had more chance of scoring at an Elton John pool party.
Finally Kanzig finished off the game with his second, taking his season tally to 15. The competition to be crowned top goal scorer is now as tight as Maro Itoje's jock strap.
We only have two games left to play and it would be great if we could hit that magical milestone of 150 league goals scored in a season.
Wouldn't bet against it.
Goals : O Lees-Amies 2, J Kanzig 2, M Barstow 1
Team : George Levitt (GK), Phil Morris, Charlie Sloan, Mike Barstow, Mike Bellhouse, James Kanzig, Seb Terry, Ollie Lees-Amies, Paul Goldring, Darren Edwards, Izzy Coghlan
Date : 19/03/2022
Nomads 11 - 0 Gillingham
Nomads 11 - 0 Gillingham
Nomads 11 - 0 Gillingham
Benjamin Franklin once said there were only three things certain in life : death, taxes and having a shit time on a night out with Finn.
Mr Franklin can now add one more thing to that list, Newenden having the league title sewn up by mid-March.
Saturday saw us secure our second promotion in as many years and few would bet against us bagging up the hat trick next season in Division 6.
We could not have asked for a more beautiful day as we pushed back in glorious sunshine. We soon took control and settled into a lovely rhythm, playing some tasty stuff. Holroyd was pulling the strings in the middle of the park,often playing in O'Leary, Lees-Amies and Piper as they made countless attacking runs.
We made the breakthrough in the 5th minute, with Jasper Piper tucking away from close range. The goals continued to flow with Lees-Amies (4), Parr (3), Piper (2), Goldring (1) and Colllingwood (1) all adding to their season tallies.
The club continues to collect more records than Our Price (google it if you were born after 1990). We have now scored 130 goals, which works out at 7 a week, a scoring record not matched since Giles Thorbek's Freshers week.
It was a fun game played in great spirit. Gillingham had a young side that kept battling until the final whistle, and even the late introduction of 'Meat' could not turn things round for them. Must also make a special mention to the travelling support who created a great atmosphere.
I would like to thank the umpires, Sophia and Brent, who did a great job as always.
We now want to maintain our unbeaten status over the last three games of the season, starting with Sevenoaks on Saturday.
Goals : O Lees-Amies 4, M Parr 3, J Piper 2, P Goldring 1, R Collingwood 1
Team : Joe Bates (GK), Phil Morris, Pete Rogers, Seb Terry, Seb O'Leary, Jasper Piper, Sam Holroyd, Ollie Lees-Amies, Paul Goldring, Reuben Collingwood, Mike Parr, Joe Lordon
Date : 12/03/2022
Ashford 2 - 9 Nomads
Nomads 11 - 0 Gillingham
Nomads 11 - 0 Gillingham
The telegram from the queen must be in the post and I don't mean a good luck missive from Elton John. The Nomads made history on Saturday as we reached 100. That is a goal difference of 100 after only 18 games.
We moved one step closer to securing the league title with an emphatic victory over a resilient Ashford side on a bitterly cold afternoon in Ball Lane.
Johan Cruyff's Dutch team from the 1970s, was the first to be credited with playing 'Total Football' but after the first half on Saturday, Newenden should be allowed to patent the term 'Total Hockey'.
We played some glorious stuff that was a joy to behold. Moving the ball at pace from defence to attack, incorporating superb interchanges to open up the Ashford defence.
This weekend there were two momentous events that rocked the sporting world, one was the passing of the greatest cricketer to ever grace the game, the second was Newenden actually scoring from a short corner. It was scored by Sam Holroyd from our very first attempt and very much broke the seal, in more ways than one as our coach Jim Piper was spotted relieving himself behind one of the dugouts during the first half following four pre-match pints.
The goals began to flow, with James Kanzig, Jasper Piper, Mike Parr all slotting home, but the biggest cheer of the day was saved for Seb Terry's strike, who broke his duck for the club, following a mazey run and a powerful finish.
Saturday also saw a first for us, with the umpire reversing a short corner decision after we spent too long talking about it and not enough time getting on with it, very much like a night out in Leeds with Finn.
Ashford pulled one back just before half-time following a deflected own goal, so we went in 5-1 at the interval.
The second half was a little more ragged, as it appeared that every player wanted to get on the scoresheet which was detrimental to our shape.
Some were a little keener than others, as Paul Goldring spurned an absolute sitter with the goalmouth gaping. In fact I haven't seen a more glorious opening since Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct.
We then tucked away a flurry of late goals, which saw us finish the game as 9-2 winners.
I would like to to say how great it was to see Rufus Cottrell back on the pitch, having spent the past 12 months training to be a safari guide in the game reserves of South Africa.Every day he has been surrounded by feral animals with his life at threat on a daily basis. I suppose a trip to Ashford wouldn't have come as too much of a shock to the system.
We can sew up the league next week with a win against Gillingham, let's finish the job.
Goals : O Lees-Amies 2, M Parr 2, J Piper 2, S Holroyd 1, J Kanzig 1, S Terry 1
Team : Joe Bates (GK), Phil Morris, Mike Barstow, Seb Terry, Rufus Cottrell, Seb O'Leary, Jasper Piper, Sam Holroyd, Ollie Lees-Amies, Paul Goldring, Zandie Howells, Mike Parr, James Kanzig
Date : 05/03/2022
Top Goalscorer
2024/2025
Finn Piper - 15
George Orpin - 7
Greg Surridge - 7
Jasper Piper - 6
Alex Liddiard - 4
Oli Milborne - 4
Jack Meaning - 3
Jim Piper - 2
James Kanzig - 2
Joe Kemsley - 2
Seb O'Leary - 1
James Yeabsley - 1
Jay McGoon - 1
Ben Kemsley - 1
Will Wotton - 1
Paul Goldring - 1
Sam Holroyd - 1
2023/2024
George Orpin - 14
Jasper Piper - 12
James Yeabsley - 6
Paul Goldring - 6
James Kanzig - 5
Greg Surridge - 4
Joe Lunn - 3
Will Wotton - 3
Olly Addis - 3
Oli Milborne - 3
Joe Kemsley - 3
Ben Kemsley - 3
Reuben Collingwood - 2
Finn Piper - 2
Ed Thompson - 2
Jay McGoon - 2
Will Durtnell - 2
Sam Holroyd - 2
Own Goal - 2
Jim Piper - 2
Mike Bellhouse - 1
Pete Rogers - 1
Richard Lawton - 1
Ollie Lees-Aimes - 1
Mike Parr - 1
Seb O'Leary - 1
George Levitt - 1
Barney Hall - 1
2022/ 2023
Ollie Lees-Amies - 23
Mike Parr- 12
James Kanzig - 11
Paul Goldring - 11
Jasper Piper - 9
Jim Piper - 6
Reuben Collingwood - 5
Will Wotton - 5
Zandie Howells - 5
Rob Finn - 3
Seb O'Leary - 2
Richard Lawton - 2
Barney Hall - 2
Finn Piper - 2
Pete Rogers - 1
Connor Goode - 1
Charlie Russell-Vick - 1
Al Carter - 1
Sam Holroyd - 1
Jack Meaning - 1
2021/2022
Jasper Piper - 21
Ollie Lees-Amies - 20
James Kanzig - 16
Mike Parr -12
Duncan Bristow - 12
Paul Goldring - 12
Sam Holroyd - 9
Jim Piper - 8
Reuben Collingwood -7
Seb O'Leary - 6
Finn Piper - 5
Zandie Howells - 4
Jack Meaning - 3
Patrick Featherstone - 2
Richard Lawton - 2
Mike Barstow - 2
Mike Bellhouse - 2
Barney Hall - 1
Pete Rogers - 1
Seb Terry - 1
Own Goal - 1